Paper Hearts
by yuanegeri03
Summary: It hurt that it came from his mouth, his voice, his hands, I thought he loved me, though it was just a game, am I really that cursed that I am not even aloud to have love, though what hurt the most wasn't any of that but my heart, the heart that had learned to trust him, it felt as though it was being crushed like paper.


_**Awsomeauthor: **_**Hello, well I am writing this story because I can, hahahaha, sorry if I was being mean **

_**lavi :**_** don't worry everyone she just has a mental disorder called mylittleworldphobia that's something that when someone gets an electronic 'example: computer' they never let go of it, anyway **

_**allen : **_**she's not that crazy lavi don't be so mean **

_**lavi : **_**sorry**

_**awsomeauthor: **_**well anyways enjoy this crazy and torturous story cause I enjoy making my favorite characters suffer, don't ask me why**

_**allen : **_**lavi I'm scared she always picks me when she's fantasizing about killing people**

_**lavi : **_**don't worry my angel ill protect you * **_**imagines huge clouds coming and taking them both away **__*****_

_**awsomeauthor :**_** well anyway lavi or allen plz do the, what's it called, ah yes disclaimer, got to remember that word**

_**allen :**_** this crazy lady doesn't own d. gray man, this picture that might be here if she remembers to put it, and the characters that she is going to torture**

_**lavi :**_** 'cause if she did own d. gray man we would all either be suffering in hell, dead, married of to marry some crazy other anime or manga character, or in pain, though I would rather death **_**ok**_

_**lavi :**_** its her first time allen do you remember ours **

*****_** explicit content **__*****_

_**Awesomeauthor : **_**plz enjoy, sorry for talking so much of your time- blahblahblahblahblah**

**WARNINGS : WILL CONTAIN LAVEN AND FLUFF,AND VOILANCE BUT NOTHING SERIOUSE**

_I don't understand why the world was always against me, first it's a fight, then the hitting, the sadness in his eyes, and most of all what happened afterwards is just too hard to explain. Everything I do is always wrong, I mean I am a bookman, that means I know everything though everything I do goes wrong, but I believe I lack in one department, love. Though that was why I was currently out in the middle of nowhere looking for someone who has no sense of direction._

The day had been a terrible day to say the least, it was raining and I had wanted to go outside, it would have been fun with lavi since he was always cooped up in that room of his, though I knew he had to do work.

I promised the day we were in love that our love wouldn't interfere with his work but i was just lonely so I decided on visiting him. Bookman wasn't there since he was out on a mission and I thought to kill time why not make some food.

Some scones and tea with honey would be ok, I would think he would be ok with this. I walked through the halls of the black order before I ran into leenalee and accidentally spilled some tea on me, though it wasn't noticeable.

" oh allen, I am so sorry, are you ok," she said with worry in her voice, her black but greenish hair floating in the wind.

I fixed myself quickly before answering " I'm fine leenalee no need to worry, I will just be heading on my way to the library"

" oh ok allen well have a good day, " she said while walking off before yelling out " oh, and allen the library is the other way to the left "

Blushing madly at how bad I was at directions once again I gave her a quick '_thank you'_ and ran off.

I arrived at the library and looked around the room for the section with the most books. And after a while of searching through this library, I finally found him. I would never understand who would need such a big library,though.

I tapped on his shoulder and whispered his name silently, as to not scare him and jump in fright as the last time. I set the tray down and noticed he had a frustrated face on. I knew a mad lavi was not one you wanted to be around, though I still grabbed a chair and sat next to him.

" so what are you trying to figure out this time lavi, " I questioned as I poured some tea for him and set it close by.

" just some boring things that no one likes, im almost finished so give me some time ok " he said sweetly as he gave me a peck on my cheek which still made me blush madly.

" ok, well if you need anything I will be over here " I said and just stared.

I noticed how the time had gone by and I knew that lavi was almost finished as he took a bite at the scones. I was feeling a bit light headed but decided not to tell him, he was busy enough. I wanted to do something so badly and my moment struck when I noticed a paper had fallen and so I decided on picking it up.

_Why had I decided to do something so rash when I could have just said it was ok, I did already have it memorized I had no need to go out so rash on him, I wish I could take back that moment, but I knew not even Miranda could reverse the time, I mean it wasn't even me_

Though what I had done had been the worst mistake of my life. A loud crash was heard and I knew I must have bumped into something, or maybe it was lavi who had caused the noise. I grabbed the paper and stood up and that was when I saw the mess on the desk.

The ones on the ground had been alright but the ones on the bottom were soaked, though the desk was a tea swimming pool, with crumbs . Allen looked terrified and looked through the papers and wet things to look for a single sheet that was dry which he had not found.

I spoke up a bit, but not too loud as I was getting a headache and my throat was hurting a bit though " um are you looking for this " I said as I passed him the paper I found on the ground, one of the things saved from the mini tea flood.

" this isn't the paper, it got wet, know what am I going to do, this took me months to complete and now its ruined no what am I going to do, " he said as if he wasn't lavi anymore.

To tell you the truth I was literally scared, I had never seen lavi get so angry unless he was in a fight or maybe something else but I was literally scared. Though what had happened that moment had ruined everything.

" you ruin everything you touch , I have no idea how I ever fell in love with someone like you, you're a disgrace to the world and I wish you were never born " he said. I felt that he was suddenly a distant part of me, no it was something else. As if something was stabbing into my heart and mind every time he said a word.

Though what hurt me the most was that it was coming out of his mouth, the mouth I kissed, the mouth I heard say '_I love you'_ the mouth that I hear the voice of my lover from every day from.

Though when I thought he would stop there he kept on going.

" you're an ugly despicable human, or should I even call you that, you, you , you monster, you're an evil being that arm is an even more sure proof of how hideous you are, I can't believe how I would ever come to love you, hmph, what had I been thinking " he said as I crumbled.

Though the thing that made me leave the room and run away was the hand that had just slapped me, it was a hard and painful slap even worse than the ones I got when I was a kid. I just stopped.

_I should have never left the room, it would have never happened , but I felt deep in my heart that that wasn't true and that you still loved me but knew I hadn't loved you back, though it was partially my fault I never knew that it would happen _

I just stayed there and I could feel as if everything was shutting down, I stopped and stood up and ran as fast as I could outside the library, I ran and ran and ran and I had no intention of turning back. I cried for the first time in a long time, I cried, I hadn't cared if it was pouring outside, or if I could get lost, and I hadn't cared if I had died.

I just wanted to go away and never see anyone again, I would be alone and without anyone, then I knew I would feel truly happy. Tiredness soon grew over me and before I knew it I fell down on the hard surface.

Not caring about anything, I was just cold, tired, and a bit hungry though what hurt the most was my heart, it felt as though it was rotting away slowly. Turning to my side I peeked a bit through my half lidded eyes, but I quickly closed my eyes hoping to never open them.

_I hadn't seen it coming, I hadn't, it was all his fault, not allen's but someone else, and I wanted to kill him, so that was why I was currently, out in the cold, looking for my lost allen, who had been played, by someone who doesn't want us to be happy, or rather allen to finally be able to truly smile_


End file.
